So You Want to be a Chef
by Kali Swifteye
Summary: Are you looking for a restaurant with great food? Strange atmosphere? Odd staff and customers? Occasional fist-fights? And one teenager hell-bound being Top Chef? Then the Dolphin is the place for you! (50discount if you bring ramen) (SasuNaruSasu, GaaNar
1. The Dolphin

**Title- So You Want to Be a Chef**

**Chapter 1- The Dolphin**

**AN- I'm a baaaaaaaad authoress. I haven't finished my other stories, and I'm starting on a new one. Someone shoot me.

* * *

**

_How about making a run for the border/ How about me deserving a break today/ How about getting some fries with my order/ How about finally letting me have it my way_

Thank you Burger King/ Thank you Dairy Queen/ Thank you, thank you KFC

Thank you Pizza Hut/ Thank you Taco Bell/ Thank you so much Wendy's

- "Fast Food", Weird Al Yankovic

* * *

"Hey, Naruto-kun!"

"How ya doin', Uzumaki?"

"Hello Naruto-kun!"

"Early again, Naruto?"

The blonde haired boy just grinned and waved at the cooks, who all stopped cooking to greet him. "Exactly how early am I today, Ino-chan?"

A blonde waitress who was carrying a large tray with drinks breezed past him and out the swinging doors. "About half an hour!" she called back over her shoulder without even looking at a clock.

A tall chef with wiry muscles pushed Naruto out a second set of doors. "Out, out! I know you want to start early, boy, but we've got to earn out cash and you're in the way!"

"I'm going, I'm going!" Naruto pushed the man off him, before pointing out wickedly, "Hey Zabuza-san, something's burning."

"Shit..." Zabuza muttered. "No, no, No! Inari, turn down the flame. Did you stir it like I told you to?"

"Um..."

Naruto cackled evilly as he left the huge kitchen. He hadn't meant to get his friend in trouble, but Zabuza was scary when he was in his "boss chef" mood. Walking into the manager's office, he set down his backpack, sat in one of the poofy chairs, and waited, drumming his fingers on the side of the table. _'Hm. I wonder if Iruka-nii-san would let me waiter...' _he thought. _'I haven't done that in awhile.'

* * *

_

For his entire life Naruto had dreamt of being a famous chef. Unfortunately, he had never gotten the money to go to a culinary school and was forced to learn the hard way- watching others, then practicing at home. He would watch the chefs from behind the scenes by sneaking into the kitchens of different types of restaurants. Sometimes a chef would be kind enough to show him how to make it, or give him the recipe. Most of the time, however, he had to watch them warily, noting in his head which ingredient they used, how much they used, how they prepared it. Over time he gained an almost-photographic memory.

However, his favorite restaurant by far was the seclusive Dolphin. The Dolphin was a high-class restaurant that served any type of food imaginable; from Italian to Japanese, from Thai to American. He snuck into that restaurant so often that finally, he was caught by no one less than the founder of the luxurious establishment. It would be a little bit of an understatement to say that he was shocked when Umino Iruka (that was the founder's name) offered Naruto a job.

_Veeeeery_ little.

And so, Naruto found himself emerged in a world so unlike his own- where staff are like family, and you can talk to anyone freely, even Umino-san. But Naruto soon discarded that title for a more relaxed one. A much more relaxed one. Iruka-nii-san. Needless to say, some people were shocked, but most got over it. Him and the owner really did become as close as brothers.

One year later, Naruto had quickly worked up from a busboy, to a host, to a waiter, then to what he had always wanted to do- working in the kitchen. Zabuza and Anko, the two head chefs, were pleased with the fact that they only had to tell him how to do it once, and he would to it almost perfectly (I say _almost _perfectly because there was a little incident involving a explosion and a very large turkey at Thanksgiving). Some of the customers even requested that he make their food (even a few important customers). And so, at the young age of eighteen, Naruto fulfilled his dream and was living it with pride. Sure, he wasn't making tons of money, and he wasn't world-renown, but he had found better things. He had found a family and a little taste of happiness.

* * *

"Naruto?" A man with soft brown hair in a ponytail and a scar across his nose walked into the room. He smiled widely. "Ino told me you came early again."

Naruto just sighed and shrugged. "It's not like I had anything better to do. I was just sitting there, thinking about ramen and how I would like to make little sugar mice sometime when I thought, 'Hey! Why don't I go early today?' So here I am. Uzukami Naruto, reporting for duty, sir!" He jumped up and made a snappy salute.

"I see you're doing well today. Naruto, would you do me a favor?" Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose, making the blonde notice how tired his boss and friend looked.

"Anything, sir."

"Would you mind waiting on some tables for me? We have some very important customers, and normally Kakashi serves them, but he hasn't shown up yet, and all the others are much too clumsy."

"Sir, yes, sir!" Naruto paused for a moment. "Um, if I may ask, which tables, sir?"

"Tables 22 and 25."

Naruto whistled. "Holy- who _are_ those guys?"

"Table 22 is your normal crowd- Tsunade-sama, Jiraya-san, and Hokage-sama. Table 25, however, holds the Founder of Sound Inc., the CEO of Akatsuki, and the President of Suna Industries, along with their company."

"...wow. And you want _me_ to serve _them_?"

The man sighed and sat down in a large leather chair behind his desk. "Naruto, don't tell anyone I said this, but aside from Kakashi you're the only other person I would let _near_ those men. They're powerful, and they're dangerous, and they know it. I would do it myself, but..." he let his voice trail off, gesturing helplessly.

"Yeah." Naruto sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know, sir."

Iruka got up again and paced in front of his door. "You can find an extra waiter's uniform in the back- I know you don't normally carry yours around with you. And be _very_ respectful."

Naruto bounced up and flashed Iruka a thumbs-up. "Don't worry! I treat _all_ our customers with respect, sir!"

Iruka smiled gently and patted Naruto's head. "I know. You're quite the favorite around here. And stop calling me sir."

The blonde walked out of the office backwards, with a wide grin. "I can't help it if everyone loves me, ma'am!" he answered, before doing a little hop-skip and turning around to avoid Iruka's fist.

A few minutes later he was garbed in the same uniform that all waiters and waitresses wore- navy blue slacks, a small white apron for a pencil and pad of paper, and a gold vest over a crisp white shirt (Iruka refused to make the waitresses wear skirts, to the girls' relief and the men's disappointment). Taking a deep breath, he walked out of the kitchen and towards his tables.

The first one was no problem. Sauntering up to Table 22, Naruto grinned. "Hello Tsunade-sama! Jiraya-san! Hokage-sama!" He bowed to them respectfully. "Do you want your regular drinks?"

Tsunade, a suave, beautiful business woman, scowled at Naruto. "There you are! Uzumaki, this idiot," she waved to a lecherous-looking man who had handsome silver hair, "insists on saying that the only good book is erotica, while I say that the only proper book worth reading is historical law. Who is right?"

Jiraya groaned. "Aw, Tsunade, leave the poor boy alone. Yes, yes, our usual."

"Alright then, ero-san," Naruto said cheerfully. "And by the way, I think both suck. Fiction is the only thing worth reading." He quickly walked away, ignoring the loud protests behind him. Tsunade and Jiraya often got into arguments about random things and always seemed to drag him into them.

"Ero-san?" Jiraya repeated quietly. "HA! I like it!" Beaming, he turned to the old man next to him. "That boy certainly is something, isn't he, Hokage-sama?"

The oldest man at the table nodded, as he watched the smiling blonde waiter/chef chat with a little boy sitting at a booth. "He certainly is."

* * *

Uchiha Sasuke quietly drummed his fingers on the table, watching his brother and business associates with half-lidded eyes. This was stupid. _'Why the hell did my brother drag me along to this fuckin' meeting?'_ he raged in his mind. _'I could be doing much better things, like studying for that test tomorrow. Is it that hard for him to remember that I'm a college student?'_ On the outside, however, he remained quiet and observant.

He had been introduced to those around the table before. Orochimaru-san, the snake-eyed man that looked like a pedophile; Kabuto, Orochimaru's assistant; Kazekage, the President of some company that was allies with Sound Inc.; Gaara, the murderous-looking, eyeliner-wearing, tatooed Kazekage's son and next in line for the position; and of course, Sasuke's brother Itachi, head of Akatsuki, and himself. At the moment the three older men were discussing some political battle raging between themselves and Konoha Industries. Sasuke dimly noted that Gaara looked just about as bored as Sasuke felt.

Or maybe he was stoned. He wouldn't be surprised if the heir to Suna Industries turned out to be a druggie.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." All conversation at the table ceased, and six pairs of eyes turned towards the young, blonde waiter.

Naruto began to blush from all the attention, and quickly bowed. "I'm sorry to interrupt you."

"Not at all," Kazekage said smoothly.

"Where's our usual waiter?" Kabuto asked the blonde boy, eyeing him with dislike. He didn't like newcomers.

Naruto was unable to see Kabuto's glare since he was still bowing. "Kakashi-san will be here as soon as possible, gentlemen." He had added the prefix of respect to Kakashi's name so that he wouldn't seem rude. "Until then, I will do my best as your waiter."

'_Hmm...'_ "Stand up, boy." Itachi ordered. "What is your name?"

"Naruto, sir." Uzumaki straightened and smiled slightly at the group. "Is there anything I can get for you, sirs?"

Itachi quietly watched Naruto, making the teen very uncomfortable. The table remained silent for a minute.

Trying hard not to fidgit, Naruto's urge to talk finally broke through. "I'm sorry if I don't reach up to your expectations of a waiter, gentlemen, but I would like to do my job. If there is nothing you require of me, I have other customers to serve." As soon as it came out of his mouth, Naruto knew that it sounded disrespectful. He bowed again, just in case.

Although it _did_ feel good to say it.

He expected the man with the long black hair and piercing eyes to demand that he be fired. He did not expect the man with the long black hair and piercing eyes to begin laughing.

"How refreshing!" Itachi chuckled. "Isn't he just delightful, Orochimaru-san?"

"Indeed," the older man said, gently touching his fingertips together and looking over them at the young blonde. "Very delightful."

Naruto began to feel the urge to punch the man. Did he think that he was a toy? Something to play with? Then Iruka's words came back to him.

"_They're very powerful, they're very dangerous, and they know it."_

'_I can't believe I got myself into this,' _Naruto thought, resigned. Kakashi should come relieve him of his job soon enough. He began to ask them again. "Gentlemen, I really must get back to my-"

"Oy! Uzumaki! Where's my drink!" hollered Jiraya from Table 22.

Forcing a smile at Table 25, he said sweetly, "Please excuse me for a moment." before backing up a little. Curling a fist, he shook it at the older man and yelled back, "Keep your pants on, ero-san! You're not my only customer!"

"How dare you speak like that to me! Do you know who I am?"

"Just shut up already! I'll bring you your poison in a minute!" Naruto shook his head and mutter to himself, "Damn egotistical jerk I'll show _him_ a drink treating me like a frickin' bellboy put X-lax in his booze see how much he likes it the no-good, lazy, money-grubbing-"

"Ahem."

Naruto froze, before looking back to Table 25. _'Oh crud. How could I have forgotten them!'_ "Ah..heh heh, I'm terribly sorry about that, sir."

The men at the table continued to have that arrogant, we're-better-than-you look, except forthe black-haired man he had mentally nicknamed "Nympho",who had amusement as well as the pompous looks. "Cloneboy" (the young man who looked almost identical to Nympho) was giving him a different look- one of...curiousity? Nah.But punk-looking one with short red hair was giving him a look he didn't even want to interpret, and made Naruto want to run crying to his Mommy. _'Not that I have a Mommy to run to,'_ he reminded himself. _'I'll run to Zabuza instead. He's bigger and scarier than Iruka-nii-san.'_ He began to sweat uncharacteristically. _'Dammit. When's Kakashi gonna get here? I hate this, I want my kitchen, I want my stoves and happy people and business and loud noises and-'_

"Naruto-kun!"

The blonde turned his head to see, with relief, a very tall man with spiky silver hair and one eye covered with an eyepatch and a mask over the lower half of his face come striding over to the table. "Kakashi-nii-san!" Naruto cried out, barely able to mask his relief. _'I guess it takes a freak to serve freaks.'_ He turned back and bowed to the business tycoons, making sure to bow extra low. "It was an honor, sirs."

"Naruto-kun, I'll take it from here." One of Kakashi's eyes twinkled.

'Where the hell were you?' Naruto mouthed, before practically running off.

"Why, hello Kakashi," Itachi greeted the waiter. "What a charming boy, that one. Is he new here?"

"No, Uchiha-san," Kakashi said respectfully. "He has worked here for quite awhile."

"He's very interesting, wouldn't you say so, Gaara?" said the Kazekage. Without waiting for his son to reply (not that the cold young man _would_ have), he added, "Why haven't we seen him before?"

Kakashi's eye curved up in an enigmatic smile. "Well, Kazekage-san, you could say that he's more of a behind-the-scenes worker."

At this Sasuke's eyebrows rose. He had gotten many mixed impressions of the foreign-looking boy, but none that would point him to being a behind-the-scenes anything. "He can't be older than twenty," he finally said out loud.

Kakashi's "smile" seemed to become more proud. "You're correct, Uchiha-san. He's one of the youngest people on our staff. Almost like a little brother or cousin to everyone. Now, what can I get you gentlemen?"

* * *

"IRUKAAAAAAAA!" Naruto barged into the office.

Iruka leapt up, his eyes wide and startled. "Naruto? What is it?"

The blonde hurled himself into Iruka, sobbing. "I-it was so horrible! They almost ate me!"

Realizing what the blonde was talking about, the owner sighed and patted Naruto's hair in an effort to calm him down. "Now, now, Naruto, it couldn't have been _that_ bad..."

"Oh yeah?" Naruto sniffed, rubbed his tear-filled, baby-blue eyes and glared at Iruka. "That one dude with black hair and freaky red eyes kept looking at me like I was a triple-chocolate cake for his appetizer! And one guy with silver hair kept glaring at me! And then...and then..." he shuddered at the memory. "The redhead dude...he's _really_ creepy..." He sobbed again and buried his head into Iruka's stomach. "I don't wanna go out there again, Iruka-nii-san! Don't make meee!"

Iruka hugged Naruto. "Just...go in the kitchen. Tell Zabuza-san that I said you could help out. Clean dishes, take out the trash, whatever needs to be done before your shift."

"THANK YOU IRUKA-NII-SAN!"

After Naruto left, Iruka just shook his head and smiled softly. _'Naruto. Can't live with him, and you can't shoot him.'_


	2. The Levels and a Surprise

**Title: So You Want to be a Chef**

**Chapter 2: The Levels and Curiosity**

**AN: I was glomped! -cries tears of joy- I never thought I would be so loved!

* * *

**

_Is it worth the waiting for?  
If we live 'til eighty four  
All we ever get is gru...el!  
Ev'ry day we say our prayer --  
Will they change the bill of fare?  
Still we get the same old gru...el!  
There is not a cust, not a crumb can we find,  
Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge,  
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill  
When we all close our eyes and imag...ine _

Food, glorious food!  
Hot sausage and mustard!  
While we're in the mood --  
Cold jelly and custard!  
Pease pudding and saveloys!  
What next is the question?  
Rich gentlemen have it, boys --  
In-di-gestion!

Food, glorious food!  
We're anxious to try it.  
Three banquets a day --  
Our favourite diet!

Just picture a great big steak --  
Fried, roasted or stewed.  
Oh, food,  
Wonderful food,  
Marvellous food,  
Glorous food.

Food, glorious food!  
What is ther emore handsome?  
Gulped, swallowed or chewed --  
Still worth a kin's ransom.  
What is it we dream about?  
Wat brings on a sigh?  
Piled pieahes and cream , aboutSix feet high!

Food, glorious food!  
Eat right through the menu.  
Just loosen your belt  
Two inches and then you  
Work up a new appetite.  
In this interlude --  
The food,  
Once again, food  
Fabulous food,  
Glorious food.

Food, glorious food!  
Don't care what it looks like --  
Burned!  
Underdone!  
Crude!  
Don't care what the cook's like.  
Just thinking of growing fat --  
Our senses go reeling  
One moment of knowing that  
Full-up feeling!

Food, glorious food!  
What wouldn't we give for  
That extra bit more --  
That's all that we live for  
Why should we be fated to  
Do nothing but brood  
On food,  
Magical food,  
Wonderful food,  
Marvellous food,  
Fabulous food...

- Oliver!

* * *

There are five levels of work at the Dolphin. They normally go in this order-

1. Busboys- These dudes got the dirty jobs- pick up the nasty, used dishes, clean the tables, re-set them. Pretty basic and dull, not to mention gross at times. But someone's got to do it, and they do it perfectly! Examples: Kiba, Lee. They're _totally_ not fit for customer eyes. (Lee's always wanted to be a waiter, but he scares the kids..._and_ the adults.)

2. Waiter/Waitress and Host/ess- They do the most well known job. Smile, seat the customers, smile, take an order of drinks, come back, smile, get food order, leave, come back, smile- well, you get it. Pretty, graceful, and charming, they helped make the Dolphin famous. We don't have one clumsy server! (Other than that little incident that included a certain blonde and a banana peel, but let's just forget about that for now.) Examples: Ino, Kakashi, Haku, Tenten.

3. Assistants- We call them the Assists for short, because that's mainly what they do in the kitchen. They're the lowest level of chefdom. They do mostly the grunt work, like take out the trash or take out the ingredients for something or clean dishes (you'd never believe how fast dirty dishes pile up), and if they're _really_ lucky they get to help make a meal. Examples: Inari and this

4. Cooks- They're in the middle of the food chain (HA! Food chain! Get it?) They make the regular meals, desserts, etc. It doesn't sound like the funnest job (yeah, yeah, I know, funnest ain't a word, but I don't care what Iruka says. I dropped out of high school for a reason.), but this _is_ the Dolphin we're talking about, and at the Dolphin _nothing_ is easy to make. Even the sandwiches and pizza and soup is somehow gourmet. And not gourmet like at those real fancy restaurants where the dessert is one tiny little scoop and chocolate is drizzled all over the plate where you can't lick it off, but gourmet as in, "it-looks-nice-and-it's-big-enough-to-actually-feed-me,-not-to-mention-tastes-terrific" gourmet. Examples: Shikamaru, Chouji, Shino, and Me.

5. Chefs- _Bow_ to them. They are the almighty rulers of all. Hardly anyone can look them in the eye, they can be so scary and dominating (maybe that's why Haku has this huge crush on Zabuza...ew. Mental pictures. Note to self- Forget I ever said that). They supervise everything and make all the important dishes. Examples: Zabuza, Kurenai, and Gai

Now me...I'm a special cook. I've been everything on that list- even a chef (Kurenai was sick, and Zabuza had an...um..._appointment_, so I had to cover until Gai could arrive.) So when my shift started, I wasn't very surprised when I was told I had to make Table 25's order.

I was tempted to spit in the spaghetti, but Inari caught me (he wanted to get back at me for earlier).

I was going to put rotten fish in their sushi, but Iruka would have gotten in trouble.

I almost succeeded in putting loads of pepper in their drinks, but Kurenai stopped me.

It's not like they would have noticed anyway, right?

* * *

**Normal POV**

All in all, it actually turned out to be a good shift. By the time Naruto looked at the clock again, it was eight. The kitchen still had people in it, but it was just the Assists and Busboys cleaning up.

"Naruto, _we_ will take it from here!" cried a triumphant Lee, whose mere smile could bleach the dishes. "You should go home and rest, before your other job!"

"Who said you could tell other people to go home!" Kiba complained as he brought in more dishes. "Only the Assists, cooks, and us have to stay to clean up; but we only have one assists, and Shino, who's gonna leave soon! STOP GETTING RID OF OUR HELP!"

"Better start heading home," the blonde mused. "Kiba's about to blow a fuse..." He began to take small steps towards the swinging door when-

BAM

Ino pushed the door right into his face, knocking him down. "Naruto!" she yelled "Oh, I didn't see you there. Sorry. Are you alright?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued blithely, "Kakashi said a table wanted to compliment you on the food."

"Yeah? Really!" Naruto began to jump up and down (after checking that his nose was not broken). "Was it Hokage-sama?"

"No, Table...um...oh yeah! Table 25. You better hurry up- they're about to leave."

"..."

"Naruto?"

"...I don't wanna go out there."

"Why not? You _love_ it when they compliment you! Last time you bragged for a month until you nearly set a fire in the kitchen!"

"...they're gonna eat me."

"...what?"

"They're cannibals!"

"They are _not_ cannibals! Go out there, pleeeeeease?"

"Why do you care?"

"I don't! But Sasuke-san-"

"...Sasuke-san?"

"Uh...heh heh..."

"YOU WANT ME TO GET A GUY'S PHONE NUMBER FOR YOU AGAIN, DON'T YOU?"

"If you get it I'll give you a week's worth of ramen!"

"IS MY LIFE THAT MEANINGLESS TO YOU! I COULD BE EATEN FOR _ONE WEEK_ OF RAMEN?"

"..."

"...at least two months."

"Done."

* * *

Sasuke folded his hands and rested his chin on them. Other than the strange blonde waiter earlier, the dinner was just as he had suspected it would be- dull, tedious, and altogether a waste of his time. The food, however, was superb. His sushi was delicious, and he could have _sworn_ Gaara had said "Hn." after taking only one bite of his spaghetti.

Taking another sip of his wine, Itachi lifted his spare hand casually in the air. Kakashi appeared almost out of nowhere and bowed his head. "Yes, Uchiha-san?"

"The food was exceedingly well made tonight, Kakashi. Would you summon the chef so that I may compliment on his work?"

Kakashi's one eye curved in a smile that, if you could see his mouth, Sasuke could almost call mischievous. "Of course, Uchiha-san."

Minutes passed in which everyone at the table pretended that Itachi had not made the request to their waiter, when they heard a young, polite, and slightly-familiar voice say, "Kakashi-san said that you requested my presence?"

"Yes, I did," said Itachi without even looking up. "The dinner tonight was quite-" his voice stopped as he looked up at the golden-haired boy that he had thought to be a waiter.

"Was it not up to your expectations?" The blue-eyed boy (_'Naruto,'_ Sasuke reminded himself) asked Itachi, his eyes worried.

"No, not in the least," Orochimaru said smoothly, covering up for the slightly shocked Itachi. "But where is the chef, boy?"

"We didn't ask for a second-hand waiter," snapped his assistant while pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

Naruto's eyebrow twitched visibly. "I _am_ the chef, sir," he told Kabuto, slightly irritated. "Was the meal up to your expectations?" He repeated the question, _'Just in case you big-shots are to busy trying to get those sticks out of your asses instead of listening to me.'_

"How long have you been cooking, boy?" demanded Kazekage. "I find it hard to believe that they would let a mere _boy_ cook for _us!_"

'_Well, I'm so terribly sorry, Your Great Pompous Ass-Wipe-y-ness, sir,'_ Naruto thought sarcastically, before saying through clenched teeth. "I've been cooking my whole life sir. When one grow up alone, one must learn how to feed one's self." He stood a little taller, trying to make up for his less-than-adequate height. "And I'm not a _mere boy_, pardon my saying so, sir."

"Have you worked any other place than in this establishment?"

Naruto's pride shrunk a little. "Er, no, sir. The other places wouldn't hire me."

"And why not?"

At this, the blonde snapped back up to his height and glared at the man. "_That_, sir, is none of _your_ business."

Itachi smile dryly. "Touché, Naruto. Why the sudden attitude towards your customers?" He noticed with satisfaction that the teenager stiffened when he said "customers".

"I...don't appreciate others in my business, sir," Naruto said, carefully and slowly. "I meant no disrespect." _'Smooth one, idiot. Bad-mouth these bastards, and Iruka-san might find himself out of business!'_ "Thank you for your compliments, sirs- I'll be sure to tell my employer. He'll be pleased to find that you enjoyed your meal. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be leaving." Naruto bowed gracefully before turning and leaving, without allowing the men to say anything else.

"Hm. Quite the attitude, that one," mused Kazekage.

"And I feel that there is even more suppressed underneath it," Itachi added, an amused look on his face. "I simply _must_ come here to eat more often."

* * *

"They liked the food and almost killed me, not to mention me almost killing them those over-bearing assholes but I was nice gotta run see you later Iruka bye!" Saying all of that in one breath, Naruto swept past Iruka (his backpack in tow) and shot out the door.

Iruka just scratched his head in amazement. "Really, that one.."

"SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE BASTARD'S PHONE NUMBEEEEEEEEER!"

"...why did he want to get someone's phone numbe-"

"Hello Iruka-chan!" Kakashi said cheerfully, wrapping his arms around the brown-haired owner's neck. "How was business tonight? Did we make a bundle?"

"GYA!" With a flourish, Iruka threw Kakashi off, breathing heavily. "What is _wrong _with you!" Iruka yelled furiously, and blushing just as badly. "And I'm not Iruka-_chan!_ It's Umino-san to _you!_"

"Aw, but Naruto-kun gets to call you Iruka-nii-san!"

"_You're_ not Naruto!"

"Well, fine then, state the obvious."

Taking deep breaths, Iruka glared at Kakashi. "What are you doing here?" he snapped, trying in vain to rid himself of his blush.

"I wanted to take you home." Noticing how his boss froze and his blush increased, Kakashi smirked, leaned forward, and tapped Iruka on the nose. "My my, thinking dirty thoughts, Iruka-chan? I meant that I'll be happy to drive you back to your apartment, since your car is in the shop."

Iruka glared suspiciously at his silver-haired companion. "And how can I trust you not to make any moves on me?"

"Me? Hit on you? Dear Iruka-chan, you must be dreaming. I would _never_ attempt such a violation of your personal space."

"...I'm going to ignore both my own intuition and that tell-tale glint in your eye and accept. BUT ONLY BECAUSE MY CAR IS IN THE SHOP!"

"Of course, Iruka-chan."

"And stop calling me that."

"Okay!"

"..."

"-smile-"

"...will you _ever_ take that terrifying mask off?"

"You think it's terrifying? I prefer that it's called, 'roughishly-mysterious'. Oh, and I only take it off when I-"

"Never mind! I don't think I want to know."

"Good call, Iruka-kun!"

'_-sigh- It's gonna be a loooooong night...'

* * *

_

Oh, if only Iruka knew how prophetic those words were to be...

* * *


End file.
